Cockpit Comedy Gifts

"Please pay attention as the stewardess demonstrates our new procedure for drunken passengers"

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

Watch overhead if you want to improve product delivery. Bridge financing could figure.

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"I am a control freak."

"It's garage music."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"Student driver"

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

"Why can't you just bat the ball of yarn around like other cats?"

WARNING - This Programme Contains No Strong Language.....

Uprooted

'He's training for the London Marathon,he watches it every year.'

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

"He called in sick 2 years ago and now he doesn't remember where he works."

When Chemists take acid trips.

'Tommy move, I can't see the screen.'

'Here we go again, Mr Gloez, you are NOT a couch mechanic!'

'She's not actually missing yet but I'll be in Brazil next week.'

Balloons and the Hedgehog

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

COVID-19: Portrait In Courage

'Now they're saying exercise doesn't cure depression.'

"Sir, you've been downgraded to the baggage compartment."