Cockpit Comedies Gifts

'Damn it! I can never remember which one's the lighter.'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

Watch overhead if you want to improve product delivery. Bridge financing could figure.

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"Student driver"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Uprooted

I brake for Jetliners.

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

Balloons and the Hedgehog

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'Tommy move, I can't see the screen.'

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

"Sir, you've been downgraded to the baggage compartment."

Indoor firework in bathroom called Flash-In-The-Pan.

'The job is yours if you're willing to shave.'

The ascent was long, hard and full of privation and Bob almost made it to the top of the mountain...

"Height and position? I'm six foot tall and in the pilot's seat."

Kids watching TV - 'They watch television all the time now that junk food adverts have been banned'.

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

'Happy Xmas!'

'It's his mother. They're inseparable.'

'This is the pilot. If you look to the left you'll see London, look to the right France - inside the cockpit the co-pilot's underpants.'

Chicken chaps

'It's no use, our radar is out! I'm afraid it's all up to you now Wally!!'

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

"Please pay attention as the stewardess demonstrates our new procedure for drunken passengers"

"Thanks, babe."

Sleeping on the job.

'Only one arm rest? Sheesh! Airlines are getting so cheap!'