Comedy Co-pilot Gifts

I still don't see how these 'hand free' laws make you any safer...

"I need to tinkle."

Stand-up Romcom

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'You know, just because they ask, doesn't mean you have to let them fly.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

Bake off: Flan B

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

Co-pilot smirks at paper airplane stuck in the hair of the pilot

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Do you have to bring your mother on every flight?'

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

God and His Copilot.

"Student driver"

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

Plane windscreen cleaner

"The pilots are trained on all the plane's technology, but they're still having a hard time with the backup camera."

Recipes.

'No, I'm not going anywhere today: It's my pilot fish's day off...'

Pontius Pilot: "You simpleton!! I said flaps 10 degrees, not 8! One more mistake like that and I'll have you crucified!!"

Containment Cops

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

Insomnia

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"It's bring-your-kid-to-work, day."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

I brake for Jetliners.

"Let's skip the taxi-ing and land right at the gate. I really have to use the bathroom."