Spiritual Idlers Gifts

Advanced Zen for Couch Potatoes: Earl becomes One with his Lazy-Boy.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Home depot."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'You must heal yourself.'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

Christian and Born again Christian...

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

The Path

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"All the celebrities come here."

"Did you have a cat?"

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."