Spider Squasher Gifts

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

Myths and legends...

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

'Do you promise to brush up on such matters as the Large Hadron Collider?'

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

Goalkeeper with a brush leaps around his goalnet which is covered in cobwebs and spiders.

'Well, there's nothing wrong with you: Most of us suffer from arachnophobia...'

"Did we tell you? Debbie's going to be on 'Car Talk.'"

"My mistake. It wasn't a mouse, I just dropped my roll."

Phobias.

"It gets rid of the spiders and it doesn't make any noise, so as far as I'm concerned it can stay."

"It says here that sixty percent of women prefer chocolate to sex."

'Hank, if I find one more of these things in the lawn, I'm going to throw away that damn crossbow.'

End Gay Stereotyping Now!

The idea that the firm is dominated by boring white middle aged male lawyers is clearly wrong...for example I know for a fact that Gerald wears a basque under his suit. And I used to be called Mary!

Coke Dealer

'Is this your profit?'

"He turned to gardening during the Covid quarantine. Now he's a slave to his summer squash blog."

"The witness may continue. I was just killing a spider."

Yeah, there are spiders in here, but … wait, are you going around?

Tell the people. What? Tomorrow, do not forget. What's happening? Who's talking? You mustn't fail. Everything depends on it. I'm hallucinating. I'm going crazy. To the polls, primate Oh, lawdy. I must cut down the glucose.

'Gah! Spider!' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Oh, hello insomnia.'

"Of course I don't love you just because you can open jars. You can also kill spiders."

That afternoon, Colin's fear of spiders was to come to a head!

'I'm afraid you failed your stress test.', 'AAAARGH!'

'As long as the house is clean, his dinner's cooked, the bills are paid, the shopping's done and the kids are taken care of then Herb doesn't mind me getting a job - it takes some of the pressure off him.'

"I finally won my battle against those little aphids that crawl all over my squash!"

Camp Security we'd like to see

"When did men become women?"

Redneck Snooker

"Door to door salesmen are welcomed at any door but mine!"