Squash Saboteur Gifts

"I finally won my battle against those little aphids that crawl all over my squash!"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

Library: The Weight lifting Section.

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

'No, I'm his cousin, Sasquash.'

'LIAR!'

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

"Sorry dear! I'm very busy right now."

'for what we are about to receive...'

"Joseph's jealous brother adds bleach to the coat of many colors wash."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

Dietitian: Weighting Room.

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

It's taken two years work and ALL our savings, are you sure we will make millions from a Squash Ball Heater?

"I can't play squash tonight, Ed. I promised Linda I'd put in a little Kama Sutra time with her before the opera."

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

'I'd like you to go work for our competition. It's the only way I know to bring them to their knees.'

Lawn mower breaking kit

'Look here Frobisher, you've adhered to the rules. You haven't cheated, self-aggrandised or whined about money. That's rather unsportsmanlike of you.'

'Please give up badminton and take up squash or something.'

Dangerous dinghy...

J. Edgar Hoover's secret file on MLK

I didn't know you played squash, how about a game!

Destroying Music Speakers.

Squash.

You look like the cat who ate the canary. Actually, I'm the wolverine who ate your leftover prosciutto hoagie.