Spider Expert Gifts

'The cure for spider bites, John, is indoor plimbling.'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

The Amazing Man-Spider

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Extreme Bungy

Dr, Wagner's dental floss spider web made going to the dentist much more appealing to kids,

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

Idle parts

'Aw,hunting season is a cleansing time. A time to forget about my worries...'

Caliologist

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

Want the wings as an appetizer?

Spider's Web Trampoline

Spider Web Stocking

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

A boy and his spin patrol.

OMG UR HOT

'Are we there yet?'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Did spiders invent bungee jumping, Dad?'

Fly Tightrope walker

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'