Spider Sceptic Gifts

Arachnophobes Anonymous

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

Rational explanations

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

Spider has thread with yo-yo at end

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

"I miss my husband, he was a good provider...and tasted good!"

No Fly Tipping - "Aww."

"Artie, don’t freak out, but there’s a spider on your back ..."

A streak of fear ran through the entire town upon Black Widow Bill's return.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me I've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the Middle Ages is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt with her

'But did I give up. No, out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and your great-great granddad went up that spout again.'

"It gets rid of the spiders and it doesn't make any noise, so as far as I'm concerned it can stay."

'Stay calm... It's probably more frightened of you than you are of it.'

"They say statins don't work but they must be doing something, I've never felt so lousy in my life!"

'Now we'll see if using keywords helps to increase my web traffic.'

Robert the Bruce actually hated spiders.

Information manipulation