Spider Hater Gifts

"It gets rid of the spiders and it doesn't make any noise, so as far as I'm concerned it can stay."

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Good News about winter

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Extreme Bungy

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

Idle parts

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'I want you to bring me one.'

Spider's Web Trampoline

Jackson Pollock the Spider

OMG UR HOT

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

Spider Web Stocking

'Are we there yet?'

'Did spiders invent bungee jumping, Dad?'

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Spider Press-Ups

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Bloody hell, Mavis. . . I was just doing yoga!"

'Rats, we've caught a dung beetle: They taste horrible...'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Spider watching his web cam.

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

Spiders in love

'The trick is to label straight away, otherwise I forget what I have in my larder...'