Spider Sceptic Pillows

Arachnophobes Anonymous

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Oh, it's only you."

Rational explanations

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

Spider has thread with yo-yo at end

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"I miss my husband, he was a good provider...and tasted good!"

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

No Fly Tipping - "Aww."

Cartoon showing a man wrapped in a web, stuck to a wall. His wife is saying: "What have I told you about antagonising the house spider?"

"Apparently they come into houses to find a mate."

'Stay calm... It's probably more frightened of you than you are of it.'

'But did I give up. No, out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and your great-great granddad went up that spout again.'

"They say statins don't work but they must be doing something, I've never felt so lousy in my life!"

A streak of fear ran through the entire town upon Black Widow Bill's return.

"It gets rid of the spiders and it doesn't make any noise, so as far as I'm concerned it can stay."

"Artie, don’t freak out, but there’s a spider on your back ..."

'Now we'll see if using keywords helps to increase my web traffic.'

Information manipulation

Robert the Bruce actually hated spiders.

'Pills and medicine are okay, but really doctor, I don't do shots.'