Spending Humorist Gifts

Vast Amounts of Capital

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

'Ooops, wrong door!'

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

Your Flexible Fiend.

"It's a deal! We start shorting the 'Shock and Owe' interventionist government economic bail out for the economy."

'How much exactly is a chinese takeaway?'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Yes, they do have magnetic strips, but no, iron supplements don't cause you to be attracted to credit cards.'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'