Spending Humorist Pillows

Vast Amounts of Capital

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

'Ooops, wrong door!'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

Your Flexible Fiend.

'How much exactly is a chinese takeaway?'

"It's a deal! We start shorting the 'Shock and Owe' interventionist government economic bail out for the economy."

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

'Yes, they do have magnetic strips, but no, iron supplements don't cause you to be attracted to credit cards.'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."