Budgeting Humorists Pillows

'Wait, I have a coupon for $500,000 off that hammer.'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'

You have back-breaking syndrome. Throw away your credit cards, refinance your mortgage and switch the kids out of private schools into public schools.

Free thank you big spender with each fill up!