Speedster Humorist Gifts

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

'Hey, wait for me!'

'Never, Ever...drive 56 mph on a 55 mph freeway in a sporty red convertible.'

Man running

Birthday Racing Car

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"Emergency exits are located on both sides of the cabin...."

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

A souped up car...

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Beware of SUV.'

Gangsta wrap.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

'I've got a confession to make dear, I'm The Stig!

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Hipster Police Department

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Rolling Stop.

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

Arcarde Patrol