Speed-dating Adventurer Pillows

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

He was a nerd. But he was her nerd.

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

The perfect man

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"A high forhead can often be a sign that they've stolen a really big brain."

"She said don't forget the straw."

Single men in Tahiti

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Russian Dating.

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'Don't even think about it!'

Mate Mart

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"