First Date Adventurer Pillows

"So long have you been with Better Homes and Gardens?"

'You're INTIMIDATED?! You surprise me. I actually feel SAFER when there's a surveillance camera around.'

Vernissage.

'That's enough small talk, how big are you down below?'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

He was a nerd. But he was her nerd.

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

The perfect man

"Your profile said that you liked long walks on the beach."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Pete never wanted the fame that came with being a national symbol...he just thought it was a good way to meet girls.

Russian Dating.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"I thought on your profile it said you were into 'BIKING'."

Single men in Tahiti

"A high forhead can often be a sign that they've stolen a really big brain."

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Don't even think about it!'

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

Mate Mart

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

Borrow the Bag?

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.