Spam Call Survivors Gifts

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Good news, your majesty. We may already be a winner."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"Car insurance?? - No thanks!"

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Spam on Mousetrap

"Hi this is Mario...is this Sergio Bermudez? Are you interested in buying..."

"To be honest I thought Hades would be Hellfire, Brimstone and eternal suffering....but this is way worse!!"