Space-time Comedian Gifts

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Houston, we have a problem."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

Save Our Universe

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Science fiction fans on other planets

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

The Origins of Everything

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

Shoot For The Moon

Alien flies in a spaceship out of a postbox.

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'