Space Comedian Gifts

I can't help being self-conscious during an eclipse. It feels like everybody's looking at me!

Actually, I think you looked better with Atlantis.

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"The asteroid has what looks like a small rear end on the back of it."

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

"We've been up here for two weeks, and NOW you choose to tell me about the urine pipe attachment?"

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Houston, we have a problem."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Save Our Universe

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Science fiction fans on other planets

The Origins of Everything

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."