Spacetime Humorist Gifts

'It's nothing personal, Donald; I just need more space.'

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

Man, my cat sneaks into the weirdest spots.

Save Our Universe

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Moon's Portaloo.

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

Small laughing space creatures.

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

"Y'all look like dog people to me."

So that's what they mean by the "vacuum of space"! Vvrrrrr. WHOOSH!

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

Stand up comedians from outer space.

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''