Sos Humorist Gifts

Plane Rescue

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Football Chameleon

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The Eggsorcist"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.