Sophisticated Dining Jokester Gifts

International House of Excrement

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Some volcano roll!"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."