Software Engineer Gifts

"The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that converts hindsite into foresight."

'Hello tech support? When I simultaneously press CTRL, TAB, ALT, NUM Lock, and Page Up keys, my fingers hurt.'

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

'It just seems like, ever since the system upgrade, nothing's where it should be.'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Look, we've got to improve our voter-tracking algorithms if we want to make more accurate wild-ass guesses."

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

'I think he was bombarded with a little too much information!'

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

Computer with owner on a leash like a dog

"You're still burying your bones? I store mine in the cloud now."

Computerising the galley - 'Productivity is up, but I miss my whip.'

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"I combine technical skill with a human interface."

'And then Dmitri noticed something that would have a profound effect on the human/robot wars.'

'Computer Error'

'What it comes down to is our software is too hard and our hardware is too soft.'

'Rather than learning how to solve that, shouldn't I be learning how to operate software that can solve that?'

"I think we could work very well together."

'I would have called you sooner, but I had no idea you handled ransomware attacks!'

Computer screen - Tech support is temporarily suspended due to a Hindu holiday.

'You borrowed $27,000 over the years to study computer sciences. According to our files, you now owe us $1.83.'

'Newsflash: Experts are warning that overloading the Cloud with billions of bytes could cause massive rain and flooding.'

'I'm a software engineer, so I can confirm it works by magic.'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

Data analysts realize their smart building has OCD.

'Hold on a minute. I'm downloading an app to monitor my app downloading.'

"Have you tried turning it off and throwing it out the window?"

A man jumps on a pile of papers in the Data Comprestion Unit.

'His breed is 'data retriever'.'

"I worry less about identity theft since changing my name to something containing 8-12 characters, including upper and lowercase letters and a symbol."