Software Executive Gifts

'He won't give his name, sir ? just keeps insisting that you have to make a pact with either him or Bill Gates.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Now that I have your attention...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.