Tech Executives Gifts

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Now that I have your attention...'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"