Soft Food Gourmet Gifts

'Mushy peas? And would you like your cod and chips likewise, sir?

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

LAY ZEE FUK

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

French wine

His Her Cakes

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

To do before Saturday...

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.