Socially Ironic Humor Fans Gifts

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

End the Winter Blues

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

How men process questions.

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)