Socially Ironic Humor Fans Pillows

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

End the Winter Blues

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Trump Poutine

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

How men process questions.

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."