Social Humor Fan Pillows

"Thank you for being a wonderful audience during my cellphone conversation."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Rooster Comedian.

"You know, there are other emojis."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'More government surveillance!'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'