Social Humor Pillows

"Remember what happens in vegans stays in vegans."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Reagacentennial

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Trump

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

The Art of Misdirection

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

"I figure if I don't have that third martini, then the terrorists win."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Corporate Lawyers

"Are you sure that this is the correct dress for a political event?"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Brexit Trip

'I just had the greatest idea! -- Let's deregulate ourselves!'

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

Trump's Speechwriters

"51st State, eh?!"

'We didn't see any radiation.'

Unpopular Christmas cookie shapes

'. . . But where's the beef?'

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'The easy part was training him not to beg.'

Repeal and Reject

Nick Clegg.

'My member requires some interest.'

Citizenship test no 17, 'the t-shirt over head'.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

Land Of The Free And Home To A Lot Of Cheap Stuff

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?