Socially Comedic Pillows

'Are you sure you want the party sub? I mean are you sure? Are you buying it for someone else or something???'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

Trump's firings

'The easy part was training him not to beg.'

'Oh, and remember, Sir, whatever you do, please don't go staring at Mr. Winterhouse's glass eye.'

'Ever since she has found out that she is related to one of the Queen's corgis she has been unbearable.'

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

'Hugo has short term memory loss but we've chosen to ignore it!'

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

2019 Debate: "I'd like to begin by calling my opponent a babbling idiot!"

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

Two Men Dining.

"The gravy train at platform 2 will be calling at all stations to Westminster."

Refusing to shake hands

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

'Hey baby, I'll bet you're wondering who's convertible that is outside.'

'Of course I'm at work with a fever of 104. I'm not going to waste a sick day off when I'm actually sick!'

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'By the way, I usually sneeze in twos. So that's another interesting thing about me.'

"Now remember Gerard, don't stare. Enid's aged since you last saw her and a little self-conscious about her crow's feet."

Your mower will be returned...and your neighbour will borrow it.

"He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him."

'Oh... and this must be the little lady.'

'Yak, yak, yak...' Man disappears.

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'