Social Navigator Pillows

'Nobody likes me. I need a media advisor.'

"I forget—are these your friends where we pretend we make more money than we actually do, or less?"

"I am a people person, Wagner. Just ask my people."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Oh man! It's the prettiest girl in school! She can't see I work here!"

'I'm under a lot of peer pressure!'

'So...Do you leave here often?'

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'...and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that.'

'Hey Bob, I'd like you to meet my-'

'Hi -- my name is Dave...', 'Whoa! -- this is moving WAY too fast for me!'

'I hate to ask this on my first day... but can you loan me about 650.00?'

He really stinks...why hasn't anyone told him...maybe I should? No way, what if it's because he's ill?

Sandra had found ways to cope with rejection.

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Ringing a doorbell.

"I need to go to the ladies room to both freshen up and completely change my personality."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"It's your turn. I've run out of pleasantries for the gauntlet."

"Sit down, Peter, you can't object at a funeral."

"I thank you guys for a wonderful time—and for giving me the opportunity to access some laughter!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"O.K. So when we have a party, we won't ask them."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Buffering... buffering... buffering..."

"Yeah, he’s a great kid – bit of a ‘close talker’ though."

'I'm really pleased to meet you, Raymond... Where have you been all of my life, and when are you going back there?'

"Don't forget out code phrase for leaving is 'Let's go home'."

"Jack often felt like a fifth wheel."

"Help! I don't know how to leave a conversation!"

I heard your band's latest album the other day, little buddy. Thanks. I mean

When I got a new job a while ago, I discovered the right career really does lead to more success with women! Now women seem to like the places I take them! In some relationships, we've moved forward quickly! It's amazing -- for the first time in my life I've actually had women chasing after me! Oh I get it , Ernie! You're driving a bus! Yeah, things are great now that I'm in the driver's seat! (Published originally on July 24, 2011.)

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."