Social Support Navigator Pillows

'You look nervous, kid - this your first time?'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Wet wipe?"

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Meet the Blogger - 1-3 AM.

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

Social median

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

"I don't know why she got so mad. I had an excuse based on a true story."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."

'Social networking was the last straw. Now the whole world ignores me.'