Social Support Navigator Gifts

'You look nervous, kid - this your first time?'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Meet the Blogger - 1-3 AM.

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"Wet wipe?"

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

Social median

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

"I'm afraid you suffer from 'Teen Traumatic Stress Disorder.' Once your kids grow up, it'll go away."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"I don't know why she got so mad. I had an excuse based on a true story."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"