Social Interaction Navigator Gifts

Excuse Cards: "If one doesn't work, try another!"

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"They say you shouldn't go to bed angry, so let's have it out right now before we go to sleep!"

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"My business is less bricks and mortar and more coffee shops and laptops. I sell NFTs."

Meet the Blogger - 1-3 AM.

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Hi Ginny, that's a nice new haircut you've got there. Are you trying to be cuter than me?"

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

Social median

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

'Social networking was the last straw. Now the whole world ignores me.'

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"I really like smart women."

"Pastor, is photoshopping selfies a sin?"

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'The reason I never finish my homework is that I spend too much time tweeting about how I have too much homework.'

'What do you know about the Information Superhighway, and where do we fit in?'

Bigfoot Singles - 'Currently online: 1'

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"People don't understand that alcoholism is a hazard of my profession!"