Societal Navigator Pillows

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Think about it. Maybe it's a good thing the boss doesn't know your name."

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

"What are we doing wrong?"

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Nycole Turmel: I can call Jack anytime for advice!

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"Maybe it's not so good that my mentor is taking me to the mountaintop with him."

"Oh, Johnny. I feel like I'm beginning to know you almost as well as Facebook does!"

Meet the Blogger - 1-3 AM.

"I'm finally done celebrating the recent election."

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

Social median

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

Office Rage.

'Social networking was the last straw. Now the whole world ignores me.'

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Ascend, Collins."

"I really like smart women."

'The reason I never finish my homework is that I spend too much time tweeting about how I have too much homework.'

'What do you know about the Information Superhighway, and where do we fit in?'

Welcome to Hell: 'Be the first of your friends to like this.'

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause