Social Diner Gifts

'Perhaps Madam would prefer something less robust.'

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'WHY? WHY? WHY?' 'Because we have a dress code, Sir.'

'Go ahead, Bill, order the wine. It's not like you're under any pressure.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Church Basement Foodie

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Maitre d' to astronaut couple entering restaurant: 'Gravity or no-gravity?'

Zagat Rated.

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

"It's made with real angel hair."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Who do you think you're fooling, Henry, smelling the cork and tasting the wine? The only wine you ever buy comes in a box!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"It's an agreeable little wine."

'Watermelon - a fruit to eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

All Knight Diner

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Two steaks, cruelly raised and brutally slaughtered. Enjoy!"

"It lights up and vibrates when your judgement's ready."

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"You're not going to believe this -- they're making deep-fried manna."

'OK that's ten pieces of silver each, except for Judas...you had the Greek salad and the cheese platter, so you owe thirty pieces of silver.'