Social Dining Gifts

"Who do you think you're fooling, Henry, smelling the cork and tasting the wine? The only wine you ever buy comes in a box!"

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'You get the feeling we're getting too familiar?'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'I told the waiter who I was.' 'Who were you?.'

'A cheeky red?'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Party Animals.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Today's special... donuts.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"