Social Club Goers Gifts

"Oh, how low can you get!"

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

'Mmm … and he's ringing wet too. I just can't resist the smell of a wet dog.'

"The next song is for all you unreconstructed commies, who are still in love with their tractors."

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

Caricatures of Political Figures Exhibited at the Opera Ball

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Now don't let your concentration move from my hands and the cards. . ."

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

"I'm not serving you mate - you're off yer face..!"

'That's Kevin Hurley. He wants us to know he's an Eagle Scout.'

"Sorry guys, these are restricted premises: Show me your teeth so that I can check your age..."

Her tears flowed like wine.

Eccentric clothing may tend to interfere with play.

"Would you like to dance with me?"

'Ok Fellas let's see some I.D.'

'And this one for handling tough questions from congress...'

"The first rule of musical chairs club is... you have to get out of your chairs!"

Three juniors want to join our eco club. Good recruiting! No way I'm letting them in! What?! Be we need new members! Not necessarily! Gore lies. Global warming is hot air! I (heart) fur.

Wordilly Durdillies - Rotery club

Oxford tour guides

At the flies' bar: 'When I was a young maggot, I dreamed of becoming an Airbus!'

Cricket Prospects.

'It's not for sale.'

"Dry sherry sir..?"

"Now, that's more LIKE it!"

Red Hat Society Members.

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

Shingles Bar.

'I'm sorry, but I only dance with podiatrists.'

'Yeah? Well my personal trainer can beat up your personal trainer!'

"Stuffy in here, isn't it?"

"Another nice thing about a martini - it's gluten free."

"I don't drink liquor for pleasure. I'm a germaphobe and the alcohol helps disinfect my internals."