Social Awkwardness Appreciator Pillows

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

We bonded over a shared lack of assertiveness. Vive la diffidence!

Bashful Royal Guard

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

Turtle Blind dates

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse