Social Awkwardness Appreciator Pillows

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

Bashful Royal Guard

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse