Socially Awkward Ally Pillows

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm a Doctor and I was in the house, but I have on stage presence."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Introverted Chair

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

Shy Man at Party

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

'Boy...it can be awkward meeting the parents for the first time.'

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

'I hate networking.'

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

"It's been nice talking to you, but I should probably get back to staring blankly ahead."

'Let's just see how long they can stay crouched behind the sofa.'

Baldo considers squishing a caterpillar and then changes his mind."

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

Reparations? How Can You Justify That?

'Sorry, I never know what to do with my hands in social situations.'

In the embarrassment cemetery

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

'I'm sorry darling. I'm not very good company tonight.'

"Pack your bags and cancel your plans. The neighbors invited us to dinner and I told them we'd be out of town."

"I just want to take a minute today to acknowledge all the guys out there named Bret who are too shy to correct people who think their name is Brad."

Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact...

"I'm guilty because I was born as a man! I'm guilty because I'm a potential rapist!"

'It would be pity candy. Nobody wants pity candy.'

"He's always been unlucky with love."

'I won't be sociable, I won't be ....'

"I don't think Bob has quite got the hang of the fist bump."

Man at a dinner party asking for help.

"My daughter is autistic, but don't worry, once she calms down she'll act just like you minus the contemptuously judgmental glare."