Socially Awkward Friend Pillows

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

'Don't make EYE CONTACT.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm a Doctor and I was in the house, but I have on stage presence."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Introverted Chair

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

Shy Man at Party

"Try to play with a kid whose parent isn't too chatty."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

'Boy...it can be awkward meeting the parents for the first time.'

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse

'I hate networking.'

"I'm terrible at small talk. Just scan me."

"It's been nice talking to you, but I should probably get back to staring blankly ahead."

'He's not really shy - just a bad skater.'

'Let's just see how long they can stay crouched behind the sofa.'

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

'Well my problem is that I can never tell if a girl likes me or not.'

"Pack your bags and cancel your plans. The neighbors invited us to dinner and I told them we'd be out of town."

'Sorry, I never know what to do with my hands in social situations.'

In the embarrassment cemetery

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

'I'm sorry darling. I'm not very good company tonight.'

"I just want to take a minute today to acknowledge all the guys out there named Bret who are too shy to correct people who think their name is Brad."

Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact...

"He's always been unlucky with love."

'It would be pity candy. Nobody wants pity candy.'

'I won't be sociable, I won't be ....'

"I don't think Bob has quite got the hang of the fist bump."

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 77. Give a bike ride to a friend who's way bigger than you.