Awkwardness Appreciator Pillows

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Sex Education - "Any questions?"

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

"I've got a huge spot on my a**e."

"What would it take for you to let me kiss you?"

"I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm talking."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Sorry to end it like this... it's not that I don't like you... it's just that nobody does.

Baldo and a girl splash back and forth at the pool.

'How's my brother? No change, I'm afraid - he's still dead...'

'Small, large or ohmigod.'

'I want one of you to march over there and ask 'Wallflower Woman' to dance!'

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

"Fred and Sarah, Helen and Joe, Carol and Andy, this is Marcia and nobody."

"Just this once can you not relate my life story to our purchases?"

"Frankly, he's a lousy sober."

"Now I'm going to ask for your phone number. You'll say the first three digits, then I'll interrupt you as you're saying the next three digits, then we'll talk over each other, then neither of us will say anything for a few seconds, and then we'll talk over each other again."

Showbiz Awards

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Pencil eraser."