Awkwardness Appreciators Pillows

Overweight man asking girl to dance

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Are you blushing?!"

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Don't worry, son.. everyone goes through the awkward teenage years."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.