Awkward Situations Appreciator Pillows

Sperm Bank

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"Social crutch."

"Ugh...I hate being the third rail."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I'm so desperately lonely.'

Embarrassed man is looked at by everyone in theatre

"Why does the weirdo on the bus always have to sit next to me?"

Massage Mushroom Cloud

Showbiz Awards

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Pencil eraser."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Speed Dating Disasters

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."