Soccer Guru Gifts

Football prayers.

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

No-Work Orange

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

The Goalkeeper

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

It can be taken up at any age....

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Golf lessons

Ernesto Valverde Tejedor

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."