Golf Guru Gifts

A Man's Thoughts

I trust you have planning permission! (Golfer in a bunker).

How's my Driving?

'So you've been on the organ waiting list for sixth months. Big deal - I waited three hours just for a tee time this morning.'

The Male Biological Clock.

It's only a game, It's only a game...

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

So, what is your handicap little buddy?' - 'I can't fly.

'He's trying to figure out a way to miss this putt so his boss can win the match.'

'It's gone behind you.'

'Yeah, I invest strictly for the long haul - unless, of course, the market turns down.'

I thought my knees would go first, but it was my money.

Golf lessons

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

Where golfers come from.

'You heard me! Spit it out!'

"Why is it that the laws of inevitability always seem higher on ladies day?"

"Then I'll yell 'Fore!', you catch it, drop it in the hole with the flag in it, then hustle back so we can finish our meeting on ethics."

'He forgot to fix his divots, he plays too slow and he left a beer can on the course. He knew this was a tough country club when he joined.'

Golfer being helped by God

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

'The 'Pee'.G.A.'

'Weed wacker!'

Climate Change Catastrophe!

"Duh!"

"Let it go, Gregg."

The story of my life.

'If I were you I'd cheat!' (Golf lessons).

"I hate sand traps."

'How come your fees are going up again?' - 'Have you seen the price of golf balls these days?'

'I hate the water hazard on this hole.'

'Here comes that pompous jerk Phil Wazner...'

'The next time someone yells out 'fore', duck. Don't turn around with your mouth open.'

Stan read that high doses of caffeine can boost athletic performance.