Golf Guru Gifts

A Man's Thoughts

I trust you have planning permission! (Golfer in a bunker).

How's my Driving?

'So you've been on the organ waiting list for sixth months. Big deal - I waited three hours just for a tee time this morning.'

The Male Biological Clock.

It's only a game, It's only a game...

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

So, what is your handicap little buddy?' - 'I can't fly.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'He's trying to figure out a way to miss this putt so his boss can win the match.'

'It's gone behind you.'

'Yeah, I invest strictly for the long haul - unless, of course, the market turns down.'

'Weed wacker!'

Golf lessons

I thought my knees would go first, but it was my money.

Golfer being helped by God

'He forgot to fix his divots, he plays too slow and he left a beer can on the course. He knew this was a tough country club when he joined.'

'You heard me! Spit it out!'

Climate Change Catastrophe!

"Why is it that the laws of inevitability always seem higher on ladies day?"

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

Where golfers come from.

"Duh!"

"Let it go, Gregg."

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

'IV!'

Stan read that high doses of caffeine can boost athletic performance.

Kangaroo Caddy.

Golfing advice - "I'd use a 7 iron and hook it into the prevailing wind etc.....you'll just belt it into the trees as usual."

Golf - "Perhaps a trifle less follow-through."

The Female Golfer

'It isn't hail. The club just over booked the course.'

Par - A young salmon which you may be lucky enough to spot if you have sliced into a river.

The Perfect Executive Assistant.