Golf Gurus Gifts

"Go with two-iron, Kemosabe - distance in desert not what it seems."

'Wow. A hole in one.'

Golfer accidentally causes a plane crash.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

No-Work Orange

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

I guess she had other plans for you.

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

It can be taken up at any age....

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Golf lessons

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'He lived and died for golf.'

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

Largest Divot Trophy.

"Swallow the ball and stick the club up your a**e."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

'Excuse me, Professor Hippocrates...but when do we learn how to hit out of bunkers?'

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'