Sports Guru Gifts

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'Just remember at the Olympics the finish line has become the bottom line.'

'After much thought and consideration, I've decided to remain as coach of the team in order to spend less time with my family.'

"Would you guys shut up and let me watch the game?"

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

'Is it true that last year you earned more than the prime minister?'

Footballers - George Graham

Enough said.

Hair Style Menu

Rafa Benitez

"Following the expulsion of two Russian diplomats the Australian Prime Minister is now expelling two members of the Australian cricket team..."

Antonio Conte

"May the best team win and could we please get through this game without some kind of controversy?"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

No-Work Orange

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

It can be taken up at any age....

The Goalkeeper

Input From The Front Office

Golf lessons

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"