Athletics Guru Gifts

Pierre de Coubertin - Founder of the Modern Olympics

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

No-Work Orange

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

Exercise Class

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

The trim reaper

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

'What are you eating now?'

It can be taken up at any age....

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

DNA Analysis.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

Input From The Front Office

Golf lessons

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...